Book Review: But I Love Him by Amanda Grace

But I Love Him by Amanda Grace

Publication Date: 8th May, 2011

Publisher:  Flux

Source: Bought

Tonight was so much worse than anything before it. Tonight he didn't stop after the first slap.

At the beginning of senior year, Ann was a smiling, straight-A student and track star with friends and a future. Then she met a haunted young man named Connor. Only she can heal his emotional scars; only he could make her feel so loved — and needed. Ann can't recall the pivotal moment it all changed, when she surrendered everything to be with him, but by graduation, her life has become a dangerous high wire act. Just one mistake could trigger Connor's rage, a senseless storm of cruel words and violence damaging everything — and everyone — in its path.

This evocative slide show of flashbacks reveals a heartbreaking story of love gone terribly wrong.

My Review:

Favourite Quote: It's nearly dark.  How long have I been lying here? The blackness reaches the corners of the room and fills everything.  Once that darkness was cocoon, enveloping us and protecting us from everything outside the door.  Together, we hid in the dark, hoping the world would leave well enough alone and we could find peace.
  But nothing can protect me now, least of all the darkness.

But I Love Him is a completely absorbing tale.  When I picked it up I only intended to have a quick look and then put it down and go back to my review books.  But the story drew me in immediately and I had to just keep reading until I finished it in one sitting.


Grace deals with some compelling issues - physical and emotional abuse, family issues, friendships falling apart and losing the sense of who you are. The writing is powerful and thought provoking yet at the same time simple and honest.  I marked quote after quote as it is the kind of writing I fall in love with.  This tale is completely heartbreaking no matter how you tell it but I also love the way Grace wrote it in reserve.  It felt like such a fresh, different and completely insightful take on a relationship gone wrong.


Ann and Connor are such well fleshed out characters.  Ann story haunted me and just completely got under my skin.  Her voice was utterly convincing.  I felt like she was sitting across from me telling her story.  You really get to know her and understand why she loved Connor so much.

What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most is the one who caused your pain? How can I want so desperately for him to wrap me up in his arms but also want so much for him to leave me alone? 

Connor is someone who is ruled by his past.  This is the first time while reading about a physically abusive relationship that I have felt something for the abuser.  I wouldn't say it was like because what he did was inexcusable but rather I understood him a little and was kind of wishing that maybe he would get help.  He is a well crafted character that I would have like to have his own own story told as I think it could have been just as strong.

"Sometimes I think I spent forever waiting for you," he says.  "My whole life, I've never had someone like you.  Someone who doesn't have to be there, but is anyway.  Someone who wants to just .... be with me because they want me.  For me.  Not because I'm your brother or your kid or anything, but because you choose me."

To me But I Love Him feels like Stolen and Forbidden, both books that I love, in the sense it shows that everything isn't as simple as black and white but there are plenty of shades of grey in between.


Overall, this is a standout read.  I highly recommend this is you are looking for a story that is intense and realistic yet beautifully told.


Overall Rating: 4.5/5
Writing: 5/5
Plot: 4.5/5
Characters:5/5
Romance: 4/5
Cover: 4/5 - Simple, gorgeous and matches in well with the story.


For more info:  Visit Mandy Hubbard's website.  Note: Amanda Grace is a pen name for Mandy Hubbard.